New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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