So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
