Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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