His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
