I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
