So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
