Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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