I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
