the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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