Sry I called you an 8
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
