and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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