my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
