At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's like iHOP with fire
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
