Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
