She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
