Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish I only lived at night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
