"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Green mimosas i think yes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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