I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
