respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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