That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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