Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
