Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
