He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
