Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
