dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
