sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
