note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
