I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
