Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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