yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
