grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Someone signed my nipple.
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