To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
