you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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