I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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