I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
