u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
