omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
