I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize