i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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