I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
