After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
