I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
