she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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