her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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