I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
