I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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