party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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