Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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