i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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