You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
