So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
