How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've blown a few things in my day
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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