my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
