WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
