Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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