And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
