whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
