OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Welp...herpes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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