im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
