I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
