So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
