so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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