shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
